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Post by JCriquet on Sept 24, 2005 6:04:30 GMT 10
When am I going to make an appearance? I'm thinking I could be the OzFreaks cheerleader (outfit too, please) who spends far too much time in the locker rooms after the chats with my knickers around my ankles.
Make it so.
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Post by Natalie on Mar 29, 2006 21:51:13 GMT 10
This is old.
Just adding it here for prosperity's sake and because Brian told me to do so even though he hates that I made him well, you know, just read it.
Title: "But ah, ah, um, I'm a, I'm a man."
Author: geekynat
Fandom: OzFreaks
Ratings/Warnings: PG
Characters/Pairings: Brian, Nurse Ferrero and Dr O'Sullivan
Disclaimer: Shock! Horror! Awe!
Summary: Brian returns and is told some unbelievable news.
A/N: 1188 words.
Brian mumbles slamming his half eaten snack back down on the table.
Nurse Ferrero hearing the commotion wanders into his hospital room with a clipboard in hand and thermometer by her side. "Brian honey, how are you doing today dear?" She coos.
"How do you think I'm doing Nurse? I just want to get out of this place I've been here for weeks and all I have is a minor fucking knee injury".
"Well we have to keep you here for observation and after care. It is very important that our Brian is in top shape before we re-release him back into the world".
Nurse Ferrero smiles and pats Brian on the back. Absentmindedly though her pats turn into a gentle rub. Brian quickly shrugs her off. Again Nurse Ferrero smiles but this time a languishing gap tooth smile. With a wink she spins on her heels and clip clops back outside to continue her rounds.
"Holy fuck has the world gone mad I need to get out of this place," mutters Brian tearing through his man bag designed by Mike in search of his old Nokia 3580. He enters the phone book menu and quickly dials the OzFreak's office.
"Bring bring, bring bring."
The call rings out. Nobody seems to be in. Brian was sure Felicity was meant to be working reception today. The horny broad must have got lucky.
Brian sits up in bed and pulls the sheets back. He swings his legs over the side and stands up feeling the cool painted concrete underfoot. He looks over his shoulder noting that his gown is wide open at the back revealing his butt cheeks. He knows he should have shaved for just a moment like this, one never knows when they might be caught with their pants down. He struggles to pull the gown closed and proceeds to step forward, carefully clutching the bed for support.
He steps. Nothing.
He half expected he would take a plunge and fall flat on his nose or something. He steps again this time letting go of the bed altogether. There is no pain and his legs appear to be working just fine. Brian thinks this is odd. Why would anyone want him taking up valuable bed space? Except maybe that horny Nurse Ferrero.
He stumbles towards the door now, quite confident and a tad upset. He heads down the corridor, which smells of pine scented antiseptic and urine, looking for a staff member to shake some sense into.
The ward is mostly empty. Wishing now that he had brought some money for the vending machine but too lazy to go back Brian continues to the ward's main entrance or exit as the case may be. He shoves the swinging doors open hard and steps forward. As he does so he lets go of the back of his gown a slight breeze reminds him quickly to grab on again. It is at this moment that he looks up and sees a sign.
Maternity Ward 3.
This doesn't register right away. After a moment Brian begins to question why they would place him in a maternity ward. He was a man after all or at least he thought he was one.
Brian decides to return back inside and find Nurse Ferrero. He bumps into Dr O'Sullivan instead.
"Oh, hello Brian do you remember me Dr O'Sullivan?"
"Of course I do" Brian responds grumpily "How could I forget, you've just been holding me hostage in the maternity ward for the past few weeks."
"Yes, well that. Um, we needed to make sure you were ready to be released before we made it official or anything of the sort".
"Save it dude. Nurse already told me all of this crap. I've been well behaved so far I haven't asked too many questions but I know something is up and I want, make that need, you to tell me what the fuck is up." Dr O'Sullivan frowns.
"Well when we were drawing blood during a routine blood test we noticed high levels of b-HCG (Beta Human Chorionic Gonadotropin hormones) in your body, which are common in someone who is pregnant. Not only that but we found progesterone and estrogen levels which are indicative of a woman who is in her first 8 to 9 weeks of pregnancy".
Brian looks at Dr O'Sullivan like he is mad and while some would say that indeed he is, the look on Dr O'Sullivan's face makes Brian think there may actually be something in what he is telling him.
"Brian, have you been suffering from any of the following symptoms, constipation, heartburn, a runny nose, eyesight problems, headaches?" Dr O'Sullivan twists his pen around and around in his fingers whilst staring dead ahead into Brian's eyes.
"Um, well yeah all of them but I do normally have those symptoms on a daily basis anyway. Why what's wrong with that?"
Dr O'Sullivan takes a deep breath and exhales through his nose. Brian hears an audible whistle from within the depths of the Doctor's nasal cavities.
"These are the effects of increased progesterone levels in the body. Men are not supposed to have such levels".
Brian stumbles and the Doctor leads him over to a nearby bench to sit down.
"Brian, I believe you are pregnant."
Brian shakes his head viciously, pounding his fists into his legs.
"But ah, ah, um, I'm a, I'm a man!" Brian stammers.
"That you most surely are and all scientific reasoning tells us so but Brian we did an ultrasound whilst you were unconscious and well there was another heartbeat".
"See an ultrasound machine sends out high-frequency sound waves. Said waves bounce off the body and create a picture, we have seen a picture of your baby".
Brian reaches down and unconsciously starts rubbing his stomach. To think there is a baby inside him, little old Brian from Northgate.
"Now you can see why we have kept you here for so long. We had to make sure of this development before we revealed our findings to you".
Suddenly Dr O'Sullivan's beeper goes off and he sighs. Looking absolutely flustered he smoothes his green scrubs down and adjusts the position of his stethoscope around his neck.
"Brian?" He lightly touches Brian on his arm. "I'm going to call Nurse Ferrero and get her to come take you back to your bed. Just wait here a moment okay?"
By this stage Brian is shaking uncontrollably. This can't be real. He manages to nod a few times before Dr O'Sullivan is off disappearing back down the corridor from which he came.
Brian feels panic rising within him or maybe it is just what he had for breakfast. Either way he doesn't like this feeling.
Standing up he collects his thoughts and decides he has to get out of here now. There is no way these people are telling the truth. No longer remembering to close his gown it flaps open behind him as he runs through the hospital ward's doors.
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Post by Natalie on Mar 29, 2006 21:52:37 GMT 10
When am I going to make an appearance? I'm thinking I could be the OzFreaks cheerleader (outfit too, please) who spends far too much time in the locker rooms after the chats with my knickers around my ankles. Make it so. I'm getting there I swear to you. |
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Post by Felicity on Mar 30, 2006 10:50:50 GMT 10
Bahahahaha, that's hilarious!
You should have taken creative writing at uni, Nat-Nat. Or at least "Fanfic 101". You missed your calling.
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Post by Natalie on Mar 31, 2006 2:00:40 GMT 10
Thanks for caring. Someone needs to.
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Post by Ferrero on Apr 3, 2006 17:25:38 GMT 10
One of these days, when I have the time, I am going to sit down with these fics and totally "trash out" on them. And if I really like them, then I'll draw some fanart to go with...  ~Ferrero |
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Post by Mike on Apr 4, 2006 22:43:06 GMT 10
we can create an ozfreak graphic novel.
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Post by Splash on Apr 5, 2006 10:45:58 GMT 10
we can create an ozfreak graphic novel. Now that is a cool idea. |
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Post by Ferrero on Apr 5, 2006 20:25:06 GMT 10
Yes for some time I have been toying with the idea of engaging Mike's assistance with creating an OzFreaks webcomic or something... But it would be very hard to top the real thing. Plus we are both notorious slackers. Or was that just me? Anyway it could be worth a shot... ~Ferrero |
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Post by Mike on Apr 5, 2006 21:35:07 GMT 10
Yes for some time I have been toying with the idea of engaging Mike's assistance with creating an OzFreaks webcomic or something... But it would be very hard to top the real thing. Plus we are both notorious slackers. Or was that just me? Anyway it could be worth a shot... let's do it...when i have time. (just so you know, i was refering to the ozfreak web comic, not something naughty - don't want ferrero getting the wrong idea) |
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Post by The Horrible Brian on Apr 6, 2006 0:33:56 GMT 10
Yes for some time I have been toying with the idea of engaging Mike's assistance with creating an OzFreaks webcomic or something... But it would be very hard to top the real thing. Plus we are both notorious slackers. I'm lazier than both of you combined, but I'm keen to get involved with this somehow if you guys are serious. |
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Post by harvey on Apr 6, 2006 10:59:48 GMT 10
what would it be?
a comic about the people on ozfreaks?
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Post by Mike on Apr 6, 2006 13:20:37 GMT 10
what would it be? a comic about the people on ozfreaks? indeed - a web based one. sounds like you got yourself a deal. hey, you are familiar with flash animation aren't you? |
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Post by The Horrible Brian on Apr 7, 2006 0:40:12 GMT 10
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Post by Mike on Apr 7, 2006 14:11:22 GMT 10
interesting...
oh, and no, i haven't - it's in my favourites.
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